Oh the horror. Early this morning I had to go shopping for a swimsuit. Mind you, it is March. I am always very white but at the moment I practically glow in the dark. I have heard women bitch about this many times before. During the period of time that I spent much time in a bathing suit I looked pretty darn hot and knew it so it was fun to shop for one then. Now I go into the endeavor with a whole game plan. It’s not about finding the cutest suit. Now there are a multitude of sins that I am trying to hide and a few key assets that I am trying to emphasize. Add to that the fact that this suit is not just for sunning myself or doing a little splashing in the surf. I’m starting physical therapy tomorrow and the thing actually has to stay on and hold all my girl parts in place while I’m thrashing about like Esther Williams.
I did manage to find a suit that I believe will work for this purpose. I did not try it on at the store because after walking back and forth in that aisle 50 times going to the dressing room with those unflattering lights seemed about as appealing as getting a bikini wax. The final insult? I have to wear water shoes. You know, those horrible mesh and plastic shoes that little kids wear at the pool? The closest I could manage to force myself into was some rubber sandals. If the therapist says anything I’m sticking with “the dog ate my shoes” excuse. A dog did eat some of my shoes about six months ago so it won’t really be lying if I don’t elaborate too much. If nothing else I hope that this therapy gets me ready for a cute bathing suit by pool season. Maybe something with ruffles on the butt...
1 comment:
As I've mentioned previously, my dear, you really ought to pursue a career in writing. Your style is rich, humorous and captivating. Additionally, I hope you found an appropriate suit to "contain all your girl parts"...I think you'd look great even if you were wearing a darn old potato sack. Peace, faith, love and joy.
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